Good link! I like this, Lara. Should you add some dialogue for the date with ALAN to show how well it seems to be going. I'm still a bit worried about the memories of TIM and PETER - it is more radio than film. You talk of places we don't see. A film is a narrative told in images. V.R.
I meant JONATHAN and PETER. The TIM scene is dramatic - good. Can you do the same for PETER and JONATHAN? Find a way of telling those stories visually? JONATHAN uses the internet to glamourise his life by lying - how can you show that? Add the closing shot of couples holding hands in the park? V.R.
Here is a link to my final script of my short film. 
Good link!
ReplyDeleteI like this, Lara.
Should you add some dialogue for the date with ALAN to show how well it seems to be going.
I'm still a bit worried about the memories of TIM and PETER - it is more radio than film. You talk of places we don't see. A film is a narrative told in images.
V.R.
I meant JONATHAN and PETER. The TIM scene is dramatic - good. Can you do the same for PETER and JONATHAN? Find a way of telling those stories visually? JONATHAN uses the internet to glamourise his life by lying - how can you show that?
ReplyDeleteAdd the closing shot of couples holding hands in the park?
V.R.